March 26, 2019
A few weeks ago, my friend wrote a blog titled,
"23 Reasons Why I Won't Go Out With You," and after we got to
talking, I was invited to write my own (tongue and cheek) list. I never planned
to publish it but for the sake of dusting off the old blog, and hopefully
giving all of you a few laughs, I'll list a few of the reasons here. Originally
my list had 24 reasons (to show I had one more than her), but for now, I'm
going to go with just 10.
Reason #1 - You suck at driving
If you go under the speed limit and or can't
parallel park, we might not work. Accidents also don't help. I can't be nervous
every time you drive the kids to school.
Reason #2 - You can't spot a deal when it is
right in front of you
If you go to McDonald's and buy a 10 piece
McNugget for $3.50 when the 4 piece is $1, you've got some explaining to do.
You just left, at minimum, two nuggets in the friar when they could be in your
belly, or better yet, mine! And don't give me the health thing. You're at
McDonalds!
Reason #3 - Your style is described as “Unique” and
not in a good way
Not showering and wearing the same shirt two days
in a row is not "unique." That is called lazy.
Reason #4 - You need to grow up
No, seriously, you're way too young. Your Hinge
profile said 25 but your birthday balloons say just past legal (18).
Reason #5 - You want to change my diet
You think I got this body unintentionally? There
is a fine line between caring and obsessing.
Reason #6 - You didn't say thank you
Not to me, but to the old man holding the door!
You monster!
Reason #7 -You don't know my siblings
names
It's been six freaking months Karen, and I know
there are lot of them, but you can't tell me it's that hard to remember them
when you know every lyric to every dang song on the radio.
Reason #8 - You wish Hillary Clinton was
#YourPresident
Sorry, but not sorry. You don't have to like
Trump, but Hillary sucks.
Reason #9 - You don't like my stories
I'm sorry, but this also means we aren't going
to be friends. My stories are must listen's!
Reason #10 - You hate when I sing
Whelp, now you've done it. I'm hurt.
I might release a more serious list later this
week. We shall see.
