Hi, My Name is Brendan

Is this weird? 
I don't know. 
Do I care? 
Try not to.
I have decided that I am going to write a Blog all about myself.
Why? 
I want to really try and let people understand me better. If you read this, cool. If not, that is cool too. I think an explanation for who I am could go along way. I don't want people to judge me when they don't even know me. And yes, I know I struggle with judging people myself. I am working on it.
Anyways. Let us start with "The Beginning."

If you don't know, that is the name of my blog. When I named it that, it was just a stupid name and had little meaning, but now it makes sense. In all things, we must go to the start to have it make sense. You don't watch a movie after it is an hour in. You don't skip the first 10 chapters in a book. You don't understand Christianity without the Old Testament. Like I said, you need to go to the root, the Beginning. This is my story. Well, some of it. 

Okay, that is me on the left when I was little. Mike, is right next to me. He is my best friend in the whole wide world. God has given me a lot in life and Mike, who has always been there for me, is one of the best things. 

This is me now -

Just kidding.

This is me now. I'm 18 years young and just happy to be alive. 

So where to begin. 

Like I said, Mike is my brother and best friend. Do I have other best friends? Yes, and they know who they are. 

When it comes down to it, the thing I desire most in life, is Sainthood. When I type this, I can't help but think of how bad I am at this, but then I also remember the good I've done, and I like to think God looks at that and is pleased. 

I have been Catholic my whole life, and I don't like to think about where I'd be with out that, cause guess what? I have been raised that way, and I am most thankful for it. I am the 4th of 8 beautiful children, son of Kurt and Rooney Gotta. Gosh, I love my family. Here is a picture of us all - 

Alissa is the oldest, then Kailey, Mike, myself, Michaela, Collin, Aidan and Kellen. I can honestly say, I LOVE them all, and my biggest prayer is that one day we can all be joined in Heaven. Alissa is getting married to the lovely fellow in the corner, Sean. He is a very Holy and faithful man, and I am so happy for them. 

When I say this all, I begin to smile. Kellen is the little talker in the family, Aidan is the inventor and the laid back one. Michaela is the pretty and crazy girl, Mike is the strong and humble one, Kailey is the most faithful of us all, and Alissa is the leader of the family. I didn't forget Collin. I just thought he deserved to be mentioned last, because he is my families biggest intercessor, a Saint in Heaven. Collin is a Saint, and I don't just say that. He died at 3 months old and was baptized, dying free of sins. What a way to go out! Never had to deal with the problems of the World, but was taken to the Father. I don't mind telling people about him because he is a Saint, and he is another person I have praying for me. His Death hurt, but my family knows it was God's will.

Well that is my siblings. 

My parents are both great people. Kurt and Rooney got married 32 years ago and are still going. They've always stressed the importance of the faith and I thank them for that!

Now back to me.

I can honestly say, I was spoiled growing up. Not with money and gifts, cause we've never had a lot of that, but with my parents and siblings love. I had four friends growing up, and they were all my siblings. I was quite happy. My family would describe me in different ways, but one thing that Icertainly was is happy. Always smiling, eating and singing. Nothing has really changed. I am now a Sophomore in College, at Franciscan, the best University in the country, purely for the fact that the faith comes first. The people who teach and work there truly want the student body to leave school as better people, taking Christ with them, and I love that. 

At this point in my life, I am finally making my faith my own. I've been going to daily mass on my own will for this past year, and its the best thing ever. I've been going my whole life, but now with a better understanding of it, it is even greater. I can honestly say I am always thinking about God, and so when I find myself sinning, it is a slap in the face, knowing I should do better. He never has once treated me in any way other than as his own child, with a loving embrace, and I love him all the more for it. His mercy is endless. 

I am very prideful. With these desires, the Devil finds ways to deform them, and get me to think the good that I do is because of me, from me, about me. I have to remind myself daily that all that I have is from God, all that I do is for God, and what I need to long for is God. It is not a simple task, let me tell you. 

I spend a lot of time reflecting and thinking; I love it, being able to talk to the Lord. Honestly, it is the thing that brings the most joy to my life. When I reflect on things, I sometimes find my pride coming out, and have to try and see things in a different light. I have a huge desire to be loved, wanted, needed, and only when I think of the Litany of Humility, and the line that says, "That others may be preferred to me, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it," do I try to put these things behind. I am easily hurt by people, and when I am put aside by people, the devil goes to work, and tries to make me worry about it, putting thoughts into my head that people don't care about me or need me. 

As I said, I am prideful and this is what brings about these earthly problems. I think because I struggle so mightily with the feelings of being  forgotten, I tend to want to make sure others do not feel that way. If you are one of my friends, you know I love to build people up. People deal with enough crud in their lives that they don't need their friends making it worse. I know I hate the fact that people love getting me upset. People think it is hilarious when I am frustrated, but that makes it even worse. I'll admit, sometimes it can be funny, but normally people take it too far. I don't like being upset or angry, and it only becomes worse when it is my friends doing it to me. I am definitely a culprit of making one too many jokes or mean comments, but at the same time, I really do try and not do it. I sometimes need to be reminded, and I also need to be forgiven for my failures at being charitable, but I do try and make a active effort to not do it. Sometimes my sarcasm can hinder me, and I apologize. That is another thing I need to work on. 

But like I was saying, I love building people up. Sometimes, we just need to be told we are beautiful, talented, gifted. Christ did this, loving all, and it is recored with his apostles, telling them the great plans he had for them. They were all middle class men with little education, but Christ put them in charge of the Church, making St. Peter the first Pope. This would not have been done if Jesus had spent his whole ministry condemning people. He knew the way to the Heavenly Father was through love, for "If you do not love, you do not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4:8  We must do the same. Tell people how wonderful they really are! Let them know God's love for them. 

So yes, I am prideful, but I also have a huge heart. I really do care for people. I have been making a very active attempt to pray for my friends and family, because I know the power prayer has. 

Another struggle I have? I like to be right! Please stop nodding your head! It is one of my biggest downfalls, but I'll be honest, it only gets harder when I work on it, and then no one sees the growth. I need people to understand, I am working on this, and I am aware that I've made great strides with it, but it is not a finished product. Help me out if you can. Be charitable! :)

What else do I struggle with? Well, I've been told I am a flirt, and I got to be honest, I've agreed with people on this one, but honestly, I'm not, so yeah, I lied. I love women, and I try and thank the Lord for you all as often as possible, but with that, I don't only speak to you to  hoping to maybe get you to like me or something. I mean, I like women, and if I like someone it might become noticeable if you know me well, but my friendliness is just who I am. I am not at all trying to mess with girls heads. Just know, I am sincere when I am nice to you, when I compliment you, and through all this, it is just how I am. If I am being too nice though, let me know.

So then there is envy. Yes, I get envious. Sorry, I said I want people to love me, so when people prefer someone else to me, kind of is tough. Working on it though. It is weird, cause the stuff I hate others doing to me, I've struggled with myself, but know I am trying to make strides.
What else do I struggle with? Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve a little too much. It is normally pretty obvious when my day is not going so hot, but this is just who I am, and I don't want to change who I am too much, cause I like me, though not a finished product.
Something I do alot is Shaddy Bounce. I am just at the point where I am not gonna live to please everyone, cause when you do that, you normally forget to take care of yourself. If I don't want to do something, I don't. Some people think this is selfish, and I'd agree that at times I can be, but it not on purpose. I'm selfish by habit, not desire. I want to make others happy and stuff, but like I said, I need to take care of myself as well.

I am running out of things to say. I guess I just want people to understand me, and this seemed like a good way. Understand, I didn't do this cause I am depressed, upset or anything of that degree. Honestly, I am at a point in my life where I couldn't be a whole lot happier. The Lord has been doing so much and its incredible. I feel like if I died today (right after confession that is) I would be happy with my life, and I think we all need to have that feeling. If you look at your own life and don't have that, you are doing something wrong, and the answer to your problems is on the cross.

Well, I tried to explain myself. Not so sure I did well, but if you want to ask me any questions, shoot. Thanks for reading this.