The Dating Situation

The Dating Situation 

It has been a long time since my last blog, so I've decided to make sure this blog's topic is one of interest. The topic – Dating. More specifically, dating on campus.

I can go so many ways with this topic, but I have decided to focus on why there are so many people who don't date or are not dating. Why? Well because it seems to be the norm, compared to being in a relationship. I mean, at this point, I am in this group as well. I will also discuss if I think this will change or should change.

Since coming to Franciscan, I have been told multiple times by Adults, including professors and friars, that as a guy on this campus, I need to pursue women or be more open to dating. I never know how I should feel about this, because in one sense, I agree that guys on this campus need to more open to at least taking a girl on a date, but then again, I remember that it is not that easy.

The first question is, what is the biggest thing that stops people from dating on this campus? I would say it is having the two people both like one another. I know multiple people who have asked a girl out and got rejected, or almost asked them out, and thought better only because they found out that they would not be hearing what they wanted. I am not saying that the girls should say yes just cause the man is asking, but it does make asking someone out less appealing if you are expecting a no, or have heard it before. Yes, girls on this campus would love to date, but often times it seems that they don't want to date the people who like them. Who are these guys? Normally there best friends!

Guess what though? Girls have this happen also! They become best friends with a guy, and then find out that the guy never will see them as anything more then that! Is this wrong? Not automatically, if both people understand, but it can be tough. In all friendships, one must be aware of the other persons feelings as well as their own. I feel like at times, and even in my own life, we can caught up in us, and forget our friends feelings. We become very selfish with the friendship, and it becomes all about what we can get out of it.

I want you as the reader to understand that I am not saying that you can not have best friends of the opposite sex; I know some of my closest friends are girls. What I am saying is, just be careful about how you handle it, and in all cases, make sure you are aware of the other persons feelings. For all you know, they might like you, so just watch how you act around them, and handle everything with caution. If you like someone else, it might not be the best idea to tell your friend who is of the opposite sex. There are certain things that should just be kept between you and maybe a few friends of the same sex, but like I said, handle all things with caution. I know, in my case, there have been times that I've told a girl stuff, and it has just made things more difficult.

But back to the topic at hand. If these people become best friends, why don't they want to date? It is clear they like them enough to spend time with them and that they enjoy one another's company, so shouldn't that be enough? The simple answer to this is no, but I will go into a little detail. Spending time with someone does not mean you like them, as least not like that. I know people who are best friends, but if they ever dated, they would kill one another. They really like one another, and get along, but only in a friendship sort of way. Anything more? It just wouldn't work out. Then there is the ever important factor of being attracted to that person. I know you can date someone you are not really attracted to, but it seems like that would be very difficult.

A nice thing about getting to know someone is, the better you get to know them, the more their true beauty will shine through. I know I can see this is many of my friends. I am not saying they were not pretty girls before, because they were, but as I continue to get to know them, the more I notice their true beauty. I feel like most people can relate to me when I say this. There might have been someone you met originally and you didn't think much of them looks wise, but now you see them and find them to be very attractive.

So for a relationship to work out you need to one, be compatible with the person, and in most cases, also be attracted to them. If you do not have both, it will probably not work out.

So why is it that so many people don't want to date, especially these people who are best friends? Why is it seem that often times only one side wants it work?

If you are the person who wants to date your best friend, have you ever thought that they just only see you as a friend, and that they have done nothing that they think would make you think otherwise? Sometimes we start to like someone because we feel like they have taken an interest in us. I know personally I am huge on quality time, so when someone spends time with me, it means a lot, and if I started liking them, it might be in part because I feel like they like me back, and I come up with that conclusion based off the time we spend together.

Sometimes we read too much into what the other does, or how they act. Sometimes, honestly, we just like them cause they like us. It is true you need to both like one another, but to just like someone because they like you is silly, and in most cases, it will not work out, because once again, you are liking them for all the wrong reasons. It is a situation where it is all about you, worrying about what you will get out of it.

But once again, you have to ask, why wont they like you? Why is it that they will spend the time with you, and heck, they might even be attracted to you, but still wont date you?

Well, it could be the timing. This is not always true, but timing is key. You might like someone, but for some reason that makes no sense to you, they might not be interested in dating, at the time. This is not to say they would never date, but there are times when people just don't feel like they are able to date, or ready to take on a relationship. I know that I personally have a tough time just taking care of me, and to think of being in a relationship is sometimes terrifying because that involves having to be very selfless, and really put a lot of effort into your friendship with that person.

What if it is not timing then? Is there any other big reasons people wont say yes to date? One that sticks out to me, and kind of makes me shake my head is the classic, “I don't want to ruin our friendship, so we can't date” line. Really? If you have ever said that, you are just making an excuse. I have justified not dating with different reasons, but I have never used this one. Why? Cause I think it is a load of crap. I'm sorry, but you are at college for four years on average, and when it is all over, in all honesty, you are not going to talk to most of the people. If you end up getting married, or going the route of religious life, you are probably not going to stay in touch with the people who are of the opposite sex, and the reason is not because you don't like them, but it is not practical. I know at Franciscan, no one wants to hear these words, and everyone wants to think that we will all be friends forever, but it probably wont happen. Everyone will move, start families, settle down, get a job, and you just will not have time to maintain all of these friendships. 

All of this is true, so with that, if you end up not dating because you don't want to ruin a friendship, does that not seem silly? You could potentially end up getting married and spending your life together, but what if you just decide, I don't want to date and then have the possibility of breaking up and then have an awkward friendship with them. If you decide you don't want to date for that reason, you are missing out on an opportunity, and you could potentially be asking yourself, what if. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play the what if game. Honestly, give it a chance if you think there is the slightest chance it might work. The Lord has an odd way of working, and he might just might make something work that you never saw happening.

When it comes down to it, it seems we all have different excuses for why we don't date. I was told in High School that “An excuse is a sign of failure,” and I can tell you what, that has stuck with me. I am not saying, that just because you are single, you are making excuses. You could truly just not be sure, or at the time, just not feel like you are suppose to be in a relationship, but just remember, you will only be at Franciscan for a short while, and the people here are as good as anywhere. Actually, probably better then anywhere, so I say you might want to give it a try, take a leap of faith.

In all honesty, the Lord will take care of you always, so just be open to dating.

My challenge:

Men, look at yourself and the women you spend so much time with. Maybe give one of them a chance, and ask them on a date. They might say no, and it might make you rethink what you did, but guess what? They might say yes, and then you have yourself a date. Remember to make sure you are asking them out for the right reasons though, and not cause you feel like you need to go on a date. Everything according to God's plan and his time. Easy to say, but not easy to do. Basically, be open to the Lords will. You might be surprised that he is calling you to date. Not automatically, but there is a chance.

Ladies, try and let the men know you are interested, and if you are asked to go out on a date, give them a chance, if it seems like it could work out. Don't say yes to everyone, but also don't say no just cause they are not Prince Charming. Nothing is more despairing for a guy then when a girl just acts like and talks about how they will always be single, but have had multiple men like them, or show interest. Honestly, you probably will not marry someone who looks like a Hollister model, and is perfect, but guess what? If they are asking you out, they probably care about you, and just want a chance to show you what a great person they can be.. Maybe they just need an opportunity. No one can sweep you off your feet if they are not given the opportunity.

In closing, I feel like the whole Dating situation is one that varies for everyone, but I feel like it is one we all need to open to. Just asking people I know who are married or are dating, I see that there are the most unlikely of couples. Unlikely, but still happy. Basically, being open to it is the best thing possible, and if it is the Lord's will, you will know. I hope that what I have written will have some worth. I thank you for reading all of this. If you have any comments or something you might think I should add, let me know. I am very interested in what others think. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

God bless!

“He died for me, so I will live for him.”