The Dating Situation
It has been a long time since my last
blog, so I've decided to make sure this blog's topic is one of
interest. The topic – Dating. More specifically, dating on campus.
I can go so many ways with this topic,
but I have decided to focus on why there are so many people who don't
date or are not dating. Why? Well because it seems to be the norm,
compared to being in a relationship. I mean, at this point, I am in
this group as well. I will also discuss if I think this will change
or should change.
Since coming to Franciscan, I have been
told multiple times by Adults, including professors and friars, that
as a guy on this campus, I need to pursue women or be more open to
dating. I never know how I should feel about this, because in one
sense, I agree that guys on this campus need to more open to at least
taking a girl on a date, but then again, I remember that it is not
that easy.
The first question is, what is the biggest thing that stops people from dating on this campus? I would say it is
having the two people both like one another. I know multiple people
who have asked a girl out and got rejected, or almost asked them out,
and thought better only because they found out that they would not be
hearing what they wanted. I am not saying that the girls should say
yes just cause the man is asking, but it does make asking someone out
less appealing if you are expecting a no, or have heard it before.
Yes, girls on this campus would love to date, but often times it
seems that they don't want to date the people who like them. Who are
these guys? Normally there best friends!
Guess what though? Girls have this
happen also! They become best friends with a guy, and then find out
that the guy never will see them as anything more then that! Is this
wrong? Not automatically, if both people understand, but it can be
tough. In all friendships, one must be aware of the other persons
feelings as well as their own. I feel like at times, and even in my
own life, we can caught up in us, and forget our friends feelings. We
become very selfish with the friendship, and it becomes all about
what we can get out of it.
I want you as the reader to understand
that I am not saying that you can not have best friends of the
opposite sex; I know some of my closest friends are girls. What I am
saying is, just be careful about how you handle it, and in all cases,
make sure you are aware of the other persons feelings. For all you
know, they might like you, so just watch how you act around them, and
handle everything with caution. If you like someone else, it might
not be the best idea to tell your friend who is of the opposite sex.
There are certain things that should just be kept between you and
maybe a few friends of the same sex, but like I said, handle all
things with caution. I know, in my case, there have been times that
I've told a girl stuff, and it has just made things more difficult.
But back to the topic at hand. If these
people become best friends, why don't they want to date? It is clear
they like them enough to spend time with them and that they enjoy one
another's company, so shouldn't that be enough? The simple answer to
this is no, but I will go into a little detail. Spending time with
someone does not mean you like them, as least not like that. I know
people who are best friends, but if they ever dated, they would kill
one another. They really like one another, and get along, but only in
a friendship sort of way. Anything more? It just wouldn't work out.
Then there is the ever important factor of being attracted to that
person. I know you can date someone you are not really attracted to,
but it seems like that would be very difficult.
A nice thing about getting to know
someone is, the better you get to know them, the more their true
beauty will shine through. I know I can see this is many of my
friends. I am not saying they were not pretty girls before, because
they were, but as I continue to get to know them, the more I notice
their true beauty. I feel like most people can relate to me when I
say this. There might have been someone you met originally and you
didn't think much of them looks wise, but now you see them and find
them to be very attractive.
So for a relationship to work out you
need to one, be compatible with the person, and in most cases, also
be attracted to them. If you do not have both, it will probably not
work out.
So why is it that so many people don't
want to date, especially these people who are best friends? Why is it
seem that often times only one side wants it work?
If you are the person who wants to date
your best friend, have you ever thought that they just only see you
as a friend, and that they have done nothing that they think would
make you think otherwise? Sometimes we start to like someone because
we feel like they have taken an interest in us. I know personally I
am huge on quality time, so when someone spends time with me, it
means a lot, and if I started liking them, it might be in part
because I feel like they like me back, and I come up with that
conclusion based off the time we spend together.
Sometimes we read too much into what
the other does, or how they act. Sometimes, honestly, we just like
them cause they like us. It is true you need to both like one
another, but to just like someone because they like you is silly, and
in most cases, it will not work out, because once again, you are
liking them for all the wrong reasons. It is a situation where it is
all about you, worrying about what you will get out of it.
But once again, you have to ask, why
wont they like you? Why is it that they will spend the time with you,
and heck, they might even be attracted to you, but still wont date
you?
Well, it could be the timing. This is
not always true, but timing is key. You might like someone, but for
some reason that makes no sense to you, they might not be interested
in dating, at the time. This is not to say they would never
date, but there are times when people just don't feel like they are
able to date, or ready to take on a relationship. I know that I
personally have a tough time just taking care of me, and to think of
being in a relationship is sometimes terrifying because that involves
having to be very selfless, and really put a lot of effort into your
friendship with that person.
What if it is not timing then? Is there
any other big reasons people wont say yes to date? One that sticks
out to me, and kind of makes me shake my head is the classic, “I
don't want to ruin our friendship, so we can't date” line. Really?
If you have ever said that, you are just making an excuse. I have
justified not dating with different reasons, but I have never used
this one. Why? Cause I think it is a load of crap. I'm sorry, but you
are at college for four years on average, and when it is all over, in
all honesty, you are not going to talk to most of the people. If you
end up getting married, or going the route of religious life, you are
probably not going to stay in touch with the people who are of the
opposite sex, and the reason is not because you don't like them, but
it is not practical. I know at Franciscan, no one wants to hear these
words, and everyone wants to think that we will all be friends
forever, but it probably wont happen. Everyone will move, start
families, settle down, get a job, and you just will not have time to
maintain all of these friendships.
All of this is true, so with
that, if you end up not dating because you don't want to ruin a
friendship, does that not seem silly? You could potentially end up
getting married and spending your life together, but what if you just
decide, I don't want to date and then have the possibility of
breaking up and then have an awkward friendship with them. If you
decide you don't want to date for that reason, you are missing out on
an opportunity, and you could potentially be asking yourself, what
if. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play the what if game. Honestly,
give it a chance if you think there is the slightest chance it might
work. The Lord has an odd way of working, and he might just might
make something work that you never saw happening.
When it comes down to it, it seems we
all have different excuses for why we don't date. I was told in High
School that “An excuse is a sign of failure,” and I can tell you
what, that has stuck with me. I am not saying, that just because you
are single, you are making excuses. You could truly just not be sure,
or at the time, just not feel like you are suppose to be in a
relationship, but just remember, you will only be at Franciscan for a
short while, and the people here are as good as anywhere. Actually,
probably better then anywhere, so I say you might want to give it a
try, take a leap of faith.
In all honesty, the Lord will take care
of you always, so just be open to dating.
My challenge:
Men, look at yourself and the women you
spend so much time with. Maybe give one of them a chance, and ask
them on a date. They might say no, and it might make you rethink what
you did, but guess what? They might say yes, and then you have
yourself a date. Remember to make sure you are asking them out for
the right reasons though, and not cause you feel like you need to go
on a date. Everything according to God's plan and his time. Easy to
say, but not easy to do. Basically, be open to the Lords will. You
might be surprised that he is calling you to date. Not automatically,
but there is a chance.
Ladies, try and let the men know you
are interested, and if you are asked to go out on a date, give them a
chance, if it seems like it could work out. Don't say yes to
everyone, but also don't say no just cause they are not Prince
Charming. Nothing is more despairing for a guy then when a girl just
acts like and talks about how they will always be single, but have
had multiple men like them, or show interest. Honestly, you probably
will not marry someone who looks like a Hollister model, and is
perfect, but guess what? If they are asking you out, they probably
care about you, and just want a chance to show you what a great
person they can be.. Maybe they just need an opportunity. No one can
sweep you off your feet if they are not given the opportunity.
In closing, I feel like the whole
Dating situation is one that varies for everyone, but I feel like it
is one we all need to open to. Just asking people I know who are
married or are dating, I see that there are the most unlikely of
couples. Unlikely, but still happy. Basically, being open to it is
the best thing possible, and if it is the Lord's will, you will know.
I hope that what I have written will have some worth. I thank you for
reading all of this. If you have any comments or something you might
think I should add, let me know. I am very interested in what others
think. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
God bless!
“He died for me, so I will live for
him.”
